Be Still My Beating Heart

I walk the same route around my neighborhood every day.
 
The repetition and cadence of my steps allows me to work though my thoughts.
 
Some days they are heavy and feel like concrete, while other days they are light as air.
 
We dropped our youngest off at college last Friday.
 
The start of Junior year.
 
We were so busy gathering and packing, my thoughts felt light and happy about her leaving again.  Excited for the new school year and fun with friends.
 
Our goodbyes were tearful.  Lots of hugs.
 
As we drove away, I was still feeling light(ish).
 
Until the next morning, when I felt like concrete.
 
The house was quiet.  Her room was empty.
 
I went to the gym – hoping it would magically make me feel better.
 
Nope.
 
No way around it, but through it.
 
Ahh!  Every freaking time!!
 
So, I took the day to myself.  Did nothing.
 
Ate chocolate and take out.
 
Watched hours of tv.
 
“I sink like a stone that’s been thrown in the ocean
My logic has drowned in a sea of emotion. 
Stop before you start
Be still my beating heart”
 
I was never good at transitions.
 
I’ve finally learned that I must let it happen.
 
Lean into the discomfort.
 
So, I did.
 
The nest looks different. 
 
And it should.
 
 
 
 
Oil on board, 12 x 12 in black floater frame
Music reference: Be Still My Beating Heart by Sting