Isn't She Lovely
Oil on board, 12x12, Black floater frame
You were born on January 16, 2001.
My first baby and you were perfect. All 10 fingers and toes, healthy lungs, signaling to the world that you had arrived!
Glorious in every single way.
Motherhood brings SO many feelings. And I was deep in all of them.
Thirteen days earlier we lost my mom to cancer.
The grief was excruciating.
Holding both extremes at the same time was beyond confusing.
How could I be welcoming my first child into this world as my mother was leaving it?
A few months earlier, mom came home in time for Thanksgiving.
I was still working full time as a medical editor and stayed at the office until noon, then worked at the house in the afternoons. A novel concept 22 years ago. My work family was amazing.
My days were filled with work, caregiving, and visiting with family and friends.
I wasn’t prepared to be a mom.
Who would I call every day?
Just so damn unfair to both of us.
My Mom left us on January 3rd.
My baby came January 16th.
She was 16 days late!!!!! (this is NOT a typo)
Thirteen whole days between the two. God had a plan. And it wasn’t mine.
Perhaps those 13 days together, without us, was sacred for them.
I had many lonely nights at midnight, 2am, and 5am, nursing this tiny human that was fully dependent on me.
I was empty.
I was exhausted.
I was elated.
This baby got me through the darkest moments of the night and my life.
Her beautiful, yummy pink energy was like the sunrise every morning, peaking its way through the dark, cold snowy trees.
Renewal of a new day.
An invitation to heal.
We baptized her at 8 weeks and made a video collage of all her new baby pictures since her arrival. And of course, this song was the soundtrack.
Planning this event made me feel hopeful in the darkness.
“Isn’t she lovely?
Isn’t she wonderful?
Isn’t she precious?
Less than one minute old
I never though love, we’d be
Making one as lovely as she
But isn’t she lovely?
Made from love”
Music reference: Isn’t She Lovely, Stevie Wonder